Your body is a WAAAAATTT???

Ola again Ladies!!!

So for today's topic is "Which Shape are u exactly?" And honestly, I find that this is truly an important subject that WE.WOMAN should be aware about before choosing that perfect white dress for the Perfect Wedding Day, Yes?

Most of the time, we are being delusional (Guilty.) and thought that our body shape is this:

But most of the time, it is actually THIS:

OR

Yep, it's one of the most Bitch slap news but Hey! that does not mean that you girls ain't pretty! And let's face it, especially in our community, most of the time we malay girls are blessed with all the right assets in the mothaf****ing right place but somehow or rather thanks to the lauk lemak cili padi or that asam pedas that our moms cooks everyday plus the occasional trips to Geylang Serai every sunday morning and just chomping down on that super powerdose of Nasi Padang!

C'mon Ladies, we have big butts and we shall not Lie aye? Hahahahha...

So, let's talk about me and my shape first. I am currently confused whether I am a pear or an apple. So, here are some of the definitions that determine which fruit you are. Let's check it out!!

Apple: 

Apple shaped women have broad(er) shoulders compared to their (narrower) hips.Apple shaped women tend to have slim legs/thighs, while the abdomen and chest look larger compared to the rest of the body. Fat is mainly distributed in the abdomen, chest, and face.

Pear:

Pear, spoon, bell, or A shape (triangle upward): The hip measurement is greater than the bust measurement.^[The distribution of fat varies, with fat tending to deposit first in the buttocks, hips, and thighs. As body fat percentage increases, an increasing proportion of body fat is distributed around the waist and upper abdomen. The women of this body type tend to have a (relatively) larger rear, thicker thighs, and a small(er) bosom.

The above information, I exclusive got from wikipedia but let me put all the information in my own so-called "minah melayu" punya variation of words aye?

Buah Epal:

Kirakan, pinggang lu shape macam Ms. Barbie doll la eh plus with the small slim thighs and legs. Pinggang macam semut kerengga and you have bloody good size of a bosom BUT one problem is the tummy area and your face will ader babat extra siket.

Buah Pir (I seriously thought pear was Buah Lai in malay but google says uh-uhh!):

Tau tak itu Sudu?? Cuba pandang sudu tu lama lama. Ahhh...shape kau macam gitulah. Kirakan macam persegi tiga terbalik (my own sincere direct translation of a triangle upward). Lu punya bumper baik dok!! Kirakan,apa kau makan mister and misses babats sekeluarga semua travel ke bontot lu! Ok per....cuma problem, itu "atas" tak la sebesar mana but if you've got a great ass...who cares??!! That's where all the actions are. Swaying hips y'all!!

Finally, I've arrive to a conclusion. Tengok punya tengok kat cermin. And it totally fits the description of a.....

Kwang Kwang Kwang!!!!

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 AKU PEAR!!!! AKU BUAH PIR LA DEY!!!!

So now let's take a look at some of the celeb ladies who are actually pear shape people!!

HAHHK!!! Kau nampak tu?? Jangan main-main ehh..akak ngan Beyonce da boleh jadi kembar siam kalau nak diikutkan body shape kita yang seiring dan sejalan yer puan puan...

Next up:

Zapppppp!!!!! Da jadi pulak kembar siam J Lo and Rihanna!! Ni kirakan Aku lah "Jenab from the block shining bright like a diamond yo!!!" Mwahahahhahahhaha!!

But no fret ladies, I havent forgotten you people yang ada pinggang dada Barbie doll segala ehhh..... *flips hair

Here are some of the celebrities whose got an Apple Body shaped:

Hahhh!!! Inilah wanita wanita yang "fofular" macam pembaca berita suria selalu sebot. I dont understand why the heck they must change the P to F. Another example is Pakistan which they always pronounce "Fakistan"!! Cikgu melayu korang saper hahhkk?? Suka hati nenek datuk korang tukar tukar pronounciation segala ehhh..... Sighhhh...Sorry terbabas siket!!! Let's U-turn!

Anyhoo, let's take a look at the various wedding dresses for Pear Shaped me and you ladies out there shall we?

Numero Uno:

Okay trust me on this, this cut works like magic especially if you have that bulge on the tummy and prefers the fluffu fairytale princess type of gown. The V-Shape cut infront does create a silhouette of a slimmer waistline and flatter tummy. You can see my pre-wedding gown story here!!

Other than that, make sure that the back of the dress looks flattering and not tight or else or eyes will be zoomed in that asset of yours!! Something like this is definitely recommended:

And to create that more slimming effect overall, have a halter neck dress like mine did and automatically your arms will look tons and tons smaller...im not kidding you!!! Even I was about to squeeze some balls in disbelieve when Beau showed me a picture of my arms WITHOUT photoshopped before we go out of the Bridal Concept shop for our outdoor shoot!!! There is something about halter necks that creates MAGIC!

But, yep I know what you gonna say "eh, my mother tak kasi ah confirm nanti kena pekik satu block!!!" Takper yer kengkawan, the most important thing is find a veil that is suitable and layered den Poof!!! worries of the belakang pusing is done! Solve!!! But for some who are still not comfortable with the halter necks as someof you could be wearing a Muslimah outlook..no worries akak understand la yerrr...

Here are some of the cuts that we could wear innerwear (Lace, chiffon blouse or Lycra material on the inside):

See how this plunging neckline creates a slimmer outlook for your hands and automatically look more appealing to the bust?? Yep!! And plus for you ladies out there, you can just buy a skin coloured chiffon or lycra material to wear on the inside plus with some layered accessories on the nect, Im sure its gonna be voila!!! F

For the muslimah brides, try wearing a high turtleneck innerwear and do up your hair nicely in a turban like these plus with all the layered accessories too so that the plunging neckline wouldnt be so obvious yet it can create a nice outlook.

So far, I havent seen Muslimah brides wearing a gorgeous turban like this from Raffiey Nasir so why dont cha be the first??!!!! *smiles

Other than that, here's some more patterns that you pear buddies can consider:

Now for the "Pear shaped body" No-no's:

I would say though most of the times the clothes look perfect on the model in the picture, that does not mean it will look good on us! That's the truth dearies!! You never know what's the actual behind the scenes when these photo editor photoshop the bloody model's body to make it look so darn perfecto....dont be fooled. 

Take it from me..the Photoshop guru okay...there are so many times when I edit people's pictures with their weird requests of "Make my chin arms tummy thighs cheeks smaller" or "Make my lips boobs ass plumpier". Been there babes...been there. Kalau korang nak aku slim down kan gajah dalam gambar pon no problem la nyah.....

So, my take is that for me I would really avoid empire waist cuts like these:

No doubt that it looks that it has all the criteria of hiding that huge asses of ours, but these kind of cuts really needs some major tiring work. First off, if you have that problem in that tummy area, you may think it could hide it for you BUT NO!! you could end up like you are 6 months pregnant babes and all the time you have to make sure you stand tall and no slouching or you could just end up looking like a "Mak Buyong". This kind of cutting is suitable for those who have that flat pancake tummy for for most of us who have that irrit babats playing merry go round down there, this is not what I recommend suitable for you.

Next up:

I know they say this is perfect for Pear shaped body like us but no no NO!!! They are wrong super super wrong and you know why I say that??? Because I tried these types a few too many times already and it certainly spells "Heloooooo Big Ass Mama!!!" Unless that looks turn you on, I suggest...lupakan jer la Jah yer....

I looked totally horrible in it, I must say and in other words wedding dresses are most of the time in white so white gives you the illusion of making you a tad look bigger than usual and I really recommend not to have this stuff hanging on that wedding hanger of yous Misses!!!

In conclusion, everyone has their own preference but what Im blabbing above are the full prooof do's and dont's of picking the perfect wedding dresses. Well, at least if you have a pear buddy like me, these are some of the guidelines that might help you Brides out there! Cheerios!

Till then, Loved.